So I have to admit that now that I've made peace with my nicu experience I don't really feel the need to write about it but I do want to have the story written down so I will force myself to write.

I think it was the fourth day and Kate had driven me to the hospital.  We sat at the babies bedsides chatting when their nurse asked me if I wanted to hold Luca.  Of course I jumped at the chance.  I was completely stoked to get to hold my baby.  She told me about skin to skin which is when you place the naked baby (wearing a diaper) on your bare chest and snuggle the baby in.  It is suppose to be great for development and studies show that preemies that had skin to skin even read better years into the future.  I have to be honest, I felt totally weird about it.  However I was willing to do anything for them and you get to wear a robe that covers you completely so I agreed.  They place little Luca (who didn't have a name at this point) on my chest.  The weirdest part about it was that the nurse picked him up with one hand like you'd pick up a small puppy.  They were just so tiny.  He snuggled into my chest and slept.  I cupped his head in my hand and marveled at how itty bitty it was his little fists curled up against me.  He was so cute and so fragile that he made me nervous.  There were a million little tubes coming off his body but that just didn't matter at the moment.  I felt bad that Kate was left sitting there empty handed but I hadn't ever help my baby and I wanted him as long as I could have him.  I didn't want to share.  After 30 minutes he had to go back.  Babies that small get over stimulated really easily.  We went home and I was happy.

That night Cam and I came back and he got to hold Luca and I got to hold Stella.  They had closed us off in a curtain containing both bedsides but we had to sit pretty far apart so we could each be close enough to the babies machines.  We just smiled at each other across the space and marveled at these tiny people.  I know I've said it alot but you just can't imagine how tiny they were.  If you ever come over ask to see one of their socks.  You'll die, you can't even fit it on your finger.  Pics lie big time.  They look so much smaller in real life.